Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
