Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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