That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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