im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
