Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize