Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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