pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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