I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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