My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
