my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
