32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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