I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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