I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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