you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
