clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
