New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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