Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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