just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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