Small penises have feelings too.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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