no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
