i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
