Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
