with your own penis?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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