guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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