basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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