She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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