saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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