Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I looked at my own cervix.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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