i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
