i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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