Only a mothe r could love this liver
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
