I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
