i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
