Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
