I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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