At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need a beard to bite.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
