My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
