areolas are like halos for boobs.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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