At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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