you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
