when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize