My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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