u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
