Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
