If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
