bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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