you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
