I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i think i just lost a toe