So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
