Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks