new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think i have herpe
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito