...so i touched it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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