Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."