I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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