I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
