I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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