dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
