Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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