haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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