did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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