you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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