Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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