i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize