Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
