He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
