and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
