my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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