shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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