guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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