Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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