Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
