i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
