i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
