I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
