I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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