I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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