if you like me you must not know who I am
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
