Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
