My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
